I Believe…Even When

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When we were home schooling I came by an accidental education beyond anything that was taught to me in public education. It was during some research for material about the Holocaust that I read about these words that were scratched into the concrete wall of a concentration camp. I could only imagine the intensity of what it must have meant to this prisoner to be able to reach inside oneself and find strength through the realization of these words. Through the years I will reach for this verse for comfort and strength because I believe…even when:

“I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining
And I believe in love,
even when there’s no one there.
And I believe in God,
even when He is silent.

 

 

 

 

We All Need The Son


God made the two great lights, the greater light to govern the day, and the lesser light to govern the night; He made the stars also. God placed them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, and to govern the day and the night, and to separate the light from the darkness; and God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:16-18

Let’s face it – January is dark and dreary most of the time and we are all waiting for the sun to come out to stay so we can stand on that mountain top again. When the sun is out I see things differently, the struggles seem less daunting and the possibilities seem more appealing. The reality is that I need the sun to shine down on me. Truthfully, I need The Son to shine on my soul.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to depend only on myself or those around me to overcome the darkness that I see in my own life and in the world around me. I could not make it without the knowledge of a saviour; or while pondering the infinite vastness of the world, having just a glimpse of an intelligent designer holding it all in his hands. I keep reminding myself during January that He Lives! Yes, my Redeemer Lives – The Bible tells me so in the Book of Job, Chapter 19, Verses:

23 “Oh that my words were written!
    Oh that they were inscribed in a book!
24 Oh that with an iron pen and lead
    they were engraved in the rock forever!
25 For I know that my Redeemer lives,
    and at the last he will stand upon the earth.[a]
26 And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
    yet in[b] my flesh I shall see God,
27 whom I shall see for myself,
    and my eyes shall behold, and not another.
    My heart faints within me!

While you are moving through January, sometimes with a heavy heart, remember to reach for the Son. I find Him in His Word, pure and simple, by reading in Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. I find the Son in the old hymns and sermons by pastors like John MacArthur or Voddie Baucham. I find Him by reaching out to someone else feeling blue and trying to pour encouragement into their lives.

Denise Ann Lewandowski Turner (1966-2013)

Each child of God, and we are all His children, has a story and part of my own story was intermingled with my childhood friend Denise Ann.  We played together, laughed together and fought like siblings.   Mostly, she shared her parents with me, without jealousy,  and in the deepest sense of  love.  She joined our Lord and Savior this December.   I’ve been thinking of some of the times we shared as children and wanted to share a few.

Summers in Junction

Before Fredericksburg was anything and a family with a motor home was a big deal,  we would head out for the deer lease in the Winnebago loaded with good eats, some adults and a bunch of kids.   As we rolled along the highway, we played dominoes, black jack and pitch with nickels and dimes.   Denise’s brother would aggravate us and we would antagonize him by ganging up to tattle or trick him into losing in a card game.   We were about seven or eight, but Denise seemed so much more mature than me and took on the role of big sister.

There was a natural spring on the land in Junction that bubbled into a cool pool for swimming.   The water was clear and soothing and out in the middle was an ancient boulder where the water was so deep the bottom was no where to be seen.  Somehow we made it over and stood like Jane of the jungle on the top of the rock.   I would never jump off  into the wild blue yonder on my own and had no plans of doing so that day.  Denise thought otherwise.   She pushed me off and I swam for dear life to get to the shallow part.   I was furious as she laughed when I asked her what she would have done if I had drowned.  Quite calmly,  and completely in charge,  she replied in her matter of  fact tone, ” I would have saved you.”  So she would have and did many times after.  I became a strong swimmer that summer.   We had many summers in water there, on the Brazos, at the SPJST pool and other places I can’t recall the names of and we always stuck together.  I hope Denise swims in a pool of crisp cool water again with the heavens beaming around her.

Chappell Hill

From the dune buggy, tractor, four wheeler and her first pick up, we ran the pasture and the river fearlessly.  It was a child’s paradise on the weekend and holidays and I loved being included on those trips.   We attended our first dance at Silver Wings with her older cousins and aunts.   We hounded  the sand barges of the Brazos with her cousins and uncles.   There were picnics, card games, church bazaars, fishing and cooking, family and friends who popped in to visit at the house on the hill.  It was the best of times with sweet memories ingrained in me of simpler days.

Denise’s Polish grandma, called Busia and pronounced Busha,  had tiny chickens with tiny eggs that we collected.  Busia’s house was down the hill from the weekend house and we visited every time to collect those eggs and see what was cooking in her kitchen.   She was my first memory of a real grandma and I loved her country house especially the kitchen where she rolled out and cut wide egg noodles on her table.  I can still see her in my mind with her rolling-pin stooped over the table.   The kitchen smelled amazing and the soup that she served with those egg noodles compare to nothing I have had since.   Busia made more than just good food.  She crocheted adorable poodles around Ivory soap for Denise and then me.   The last time we were there, we hung  freshly starched curtains in that kitchen.   I hope Denise is in her grandma’s heavenly kitchen enjoying those egg noodles looking out the window at emerald green pastures.

Daddy

Only a daddy’s girl could talk her father into buying a white horse with blue eyes.   Denise did just that and that crazy white horse was named “Spook”.   We rode him in a fenced pasture and her daddy never let us out of  his sight.   Then there was the sparkly red bass boat named, “My Dee Dee”, Denise’s nickname from her daddy.   We spent summers on Houston County Lake while he drove “My Dee Dee”,  circling and circling so that everyone could have a turn at trying to ski.  We night fished for crappie on Somerville and he never complained about prissy little girls being in the way.   He kept all the gadgets and motors running on the various mechanical toys.  He watched over us when things were a little dangerous never mentioning it to a doting mom.  He gave us our freedom and taught us how to read the directions before assembly.  One simple rule that could be applied to most things in life.   Denise had his common sense and mechanical ability.   Both would come in handy when we got into trouble or helped someone else out of a jam like the times she would tell me to get out and lock the hub so we could use her four-wheel drive pick up to pull someone out of a ditch.   Denise  was a daddy’s girl.   Only a little girl, confident in her daddy’s love, could share him with me on my wedding day when he walked me down the aisle and gave me away. I hope Denise is in the presence of God knowing the same,  yet greater love, of her Heavenly Father.

Momma

Waking up to a warm wash cloth was such a loving and novel thing to me when I was with Denise.   Her momma did that everyday of Denise’s childhood with love and tenderness to wake her children and I was privileged to be included.   She chaperoned, baked, cleaned, washed, ironed, decorated, volunteered,  chauffeured, waited up nights and prayed.   There was always a carload of extra kids to take to school and snacks for too many after school.    She is my best memory of a mom and I would pull those memories from childhood many times when I was able to stay at home with my children.    Denise never minded sharing her mother or it never showed.   Her momma could love more than just her own,  and Denise loved others in the same way, pulling friends into her inner circle even just for a meal when they most needed a mother’s love.   Both mother and daughter took the simple art of homemaking and cooking and provided a ministry of comfort and fellowship to others.   Over the years, there have been wedding cakes, cookies, roasts, barbeques, salsa and the most amazing homegrown pickles.    I hope Denise is cooking a feast in Heaven for all of her loved ones already  there and she can hear all of her momma’s  prayers while she works.

Our Hope

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

To believe in everlasting life is  to worship God Himself.  It is the promise to be reunited with our loved ones.  It is part of our faith, written in His Word, and the longing of believers to be in Heaven.   Those of us left behind must remain here holding on to this promise ourselves, working out our faith, and finishing a good race and overcoming this world to enter into His presence.  This is a free gift offered to us through Jesus Christ with no string, no requirement other than to believe.    Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. John 14:6.   I know Denise knows Jesus who is Our Hope.

The Thanksgiving Sandwich

Time is at an accelerated and ever rapidly increasing pace for me these days.   I looked up and realized that Thanksgiving was upon me and many things needed to be done to make the holiday a festive and food filled extravaganza for family and friends to enjoy.    After the death of my mother and sister,  holidays have been bitter sweet as I struggle to regain and establish traditions without them and to carry on  a few passed down from my mother.   Having said that,   I was thinking of how much my mother loved Thanksgiving sandwiches with mayonnaise, sweet pickles and crispy potato chips.   I made her dressing again this year and my sons say it tastes just like their grandmother’s dressing – my mother’s.   Another memory came to mind about my sister who hosted Thanksgiving one year and made dressing from a box.  My brothers promptly rejected the box stuff and we still laugh about it  today.   

The night before this Thanksgiving,  my guys  stood in the kitchen laughing, eating and making tiny pecan pies for the next day’s feast.   We thought about running to the store to buy a newspaper for the sales that would commence promptly after our over indulgence in the food we would consume the next day.  On second thought we decided to just stay home and forego the sales this year.     We lamented over how our day to be thankful is sandwiched between an over celebrated Halloween and an over spent  Christmas with both beginning earlier and earlier every year.   Thanksgiving gets sandwiched between the two and the real meaning gets lost in the preparation of  food and the sales.  We all sat down and discussed what we are thankful for and I wanted to share a few with you.

What we are grateful for…

From the Aggie:  A home cooked meal, being home, family and food from home (that’s a repeat)

From the Senior:  Family, good teachers

From Himself:  Being together, our home, a job

From Me:  My family believing in God, each person having a relationship with Him

This Thanksgiving I am lingering over the sandwich that signifies the last of the turkey so that I can remember that the day was meant to be for thankfulness.   I am holding on to gratitude, but not for things that will pass away.  I am thankful for the things that will remain and the hope of eternity.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe…Hebrews 12:28

So…It’s Saturday

It is rare for me to be home on a Saturday by myself.   The sons are at the TAMU game and the husband travels and is never home anyway.   Himself, the hubby, has called multiple times to check on me.   I wonder what he thinks I’ve been doing all these years while he travels and I’ve been home for days on end with two little boys.   After all, I can sit around and eat bon bons with or without the kids.    (Sarcasm aside, we made that decision years ago so that I would be able to stay home and home school our children.   I consider it a gift and am very grateful to my husband for making it possible.)

Having a blank canvas for the day was very appealing.  Well, not really blank.   I had a few business things to take care of, bills to pay and a sinus headache which is usual anyway.   I wake up before daylight on most days.  I don’t know why.  I just do.   This morning, after the sunrise and a light shower, I found this around the front of the house.

Ezekiel 1:28

Around noon I was contemplating lunch and realized my choices were not limited to all things manly; such as:  the usual, steak or sausage, taco or burritos, burgers or pizza.   It slowly dawned on me that I didn’t not have to cook a large “stick to your ribs”  meal that would be devoured in ten minutes and two hours later the ominous, “What’s for supper?”  would waft through the house.   It was delightful to know that it could be chicken salad and fruit without any complaints and dramatic, “I have to turn in my man card now!”

After lunch I packaged my handmade pumpkin soap.   There are two colors, orange and white, both are goat’s milk with cinnamon spice fragrance.   These will be in my antique booth at Hermann’s Downtown Brenham.

Handmade Goat Milk Soap

The day is winding down, but I saw a rainbow, ate a simple lunch, finished my soap, groomed the dog, talked to a friend, designed a card, and these came in the mail…

Johnson Brothers Plates

So it is Saturday and I just might be able to embrace this soon to be empty nest.