Inspiring – Page 5 – The Irish Lady

About Raising Sons

Posted on July 13, 2012July 13, 2012 by TheIrishLady in Inspiring

First of all, let me begin with, I am no expert. My upbringing was extremely dysfunctional to say the least, BUT God always redeems what the locusts have eaten and has redeemed my childhood by blessing me with the joyful experience of raising sons. (Joel 2:25, “The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— …You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.”) To that end, I want to be careful and intentional to tell you that any credit, or more appropriately glory, belongs to God for the good things that others see in my sons. Without God’s direction, I would have passed on the generational curses from my own childhood. (Numbers 14:18, ” The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.”) With my oldest about to leave for college, I am feeling those ‘mom only’ heart pains of seeing my little boy go, but that was my job – to raise a man. If you will allow me, I thought I might pass on some things I have learned through the years.

1. Children truly are precious in His sight. They are a blessing and an inheritance from the Lord. (Psalm 127:3, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. “) In other words, I am God’s caretaker of His belongings and that means I am responsible for what I get right and what I get wrong. The main thing is I don’t get to say, “I don’t know what happened to that child.” I am responsible, not the church, for their training in the Word of God with prayer and reading the Bible. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”)

2. Prayer is mandatory. This job is not easy; therefore, I am a warrior, a soldier on this earth and God hears the prayers of mothers. (II Timothy 2:3, ” You therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. “) My sons know that one of my prayers is, “God show me if they are up to no good.” There have been many nights that they wake up and find me praying in their rooms. I pray specifically for their wives who are growing up at the same time and for future generations. Mainly, I pray that they always choose the narrow path. Knowing that few may find it and remain, I ask God to keep them there and give them wisdom according to His will. A book that has been very helpful to me is The Power of a Praying Parent, by Stormie O’Martian.

3. Listening is important and not on my terms. (Proverbs 18:13, “He who answers before listening–that is his folly and his shame.“) It takes time and it usually takes all day with males to “drag it out” in the open before they share what is on their hearts. Numerous times I am dog tired and they are ready to talk at the end of a very long and tiring day. I listen anyway and treasure the times that they share their burdens or sometimes outright silliness.

4. Have their hearts. (Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”) When my son was four, I realized I didn’t really know him. I traveled extensively in my work and dropped him off with my mother. I didn’t have his heart. The person who spent the most time with him did and knew him best. By God’s grace, and a series of what I thought were disasters, I was lead to be a stay at home. This was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. My whole identity was wrapped up in my career and the world really doesn’t appreciate the work of a mom. But, I did it and I have guarded their hearts ever since which means I am careful about who pours in to the life of my child. Unfortunately, we have to be very careful in church settings because this is a very vulnerable place where we should be able to let our guards down, but can’t. Needless to say, we tried youth group and decided that learning from their peers or a thirty year old who dresses and acts like them would not be God’s plan for learning how to become a man.

4. Fear is a healthy thing! (Proverbs 13:24, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. “) “I brought you into this world and I can take you out,” and I meant it with all my being when it came to keeping their commitment to the non negotiable in their lives: lying, cheating, cussing, tattoos, to name a few. This is not abuse or punishment by beating, but healthy fear from respect that keeps them in line and they will test that line time and time again. One son told me, “get off my back”, at five years old. I calmly took his little collar in my hands, placed my face as close as I could and still move my lips to say,” I will never get off your back.” Now that they are taller than me by a few feet, I just say, ” you may be taller but I have crazy on my side.” They knew if they acted up their punishment would be swift and just. Please know that I did not use physical punishment all the time. There were time outs and creative punishments like pulling weeds or scrubbing toilets that worked even better. I always explained why afterwards but did not place anything up for discussion on their part. I was the parent and still am.

5. By all means BE a helicopter parent. One of the travesties in the public education system is the favored term ‘helicopter parent’ meaning one who hovers in the life of their child. To those teachers, feel free to give me your number so that I can call you when they are in the emergency room, out of money, broken-hearted or just plain sick and puking in my hands because there is just nowhere else for it to go. Here’s another travesty in our society: ‘your eighteen and grown’ so make your own decisions. The most crucial decisions made by my sons are from 18 to 22. We didn’t send our oldest off to college at eighteen. He started a junior college at seventeen, lived at home and now is transferring as a junior to finish up at a university about an hour away. What college, what degree, finances, and who they marry are all things that will affect them for the next three-quarters of their lives. I won’t be making those decisions, but will definitely prayerfully provide them with experience and insight. When they marry, my job is done and they belong to their wives. If I am blessed, I will have daughters that will fill that empty place in my heart for the girls I never had. I am praying that I have a good relationship with my daughters-in-law and know that means I am to bud out. (God, help me! ) (Matthew 19:5, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”)

6. Work is balm to a man’s soul. (Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”) Early on, if something was broken in our house and required calling a repairman, I encouraged my sons to fix it with the caveat that if they couldn’t we would be calling someone anyway. With the internet and trips to home improvement stores, they usually fixed it and learned valuable skills or at least what not to do in some cases. Having a purpose in their work was always important and being solely responsible for something getting done not just once, but as their permanent job, gave them responsibility. Having the right tools is important too; and, we would give them as Christmas presents or buy them from garage sales. Having a plan and all the details of the project gave them something to look forward to and think about. Mundane jobs like scrubbing the toilet, taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher, mowing the lawn are just as important so they know that participating in their own household makes sense to everyone’s well-being.

7. Food is the way to a man’s heart. (I Corinthians 10:31, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”) My neighbors used to ask how I could I get my boys to work so hard. I wasn’t joking then and I am not joking now — feed them — it works. Along the way, make memories of holidays and special occasions with the food you cook. My father is seventy-four years old and still talks about the food his mother cooked. My husband is the same way. Some of the best hugs I have received have involved a thank you for the meal they just ate. FEED THEM with food you cook.

8. Love is all that matters and it really is about the simple things. When the boys talk about memories we share, they aren’t talking about the stuff I bought. It was the simple things like skipping rocks, going to the library, playing hide and seek, laughing our heads off, silly rhymes, games, picnics, long walks, and all the free things in life. Sometimes it’s little acts of love like clean clothes and meals; but, most of all, knowing that I love them instills respect and honor from them to me and back again. (John 15:12, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”)

9. Forgiveness is so much easier when you apologize. I have been wrong and messed up more than a few times, but I try to correct myself immediately and let my sons know that I was wrong and I apologize. They were taught to say, “I am sorry, please forgive me”, with meaning from their hearts. This is important on. many levels of life and can make all the difference on moving forward or getting stuck on a mistake. I am not perfect, but I try will all my heart. (Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”) Easier said than done, but necessary.

10. Gratitude for the mercy of God and the privilege of parenting is the last, but certainly not the least. I hesitate to state all these things without mentioning that I don’t have it all figured out and I am counting on God’s mercy to see me through, but I am so very grateful that he allowed me just this little while to raise sons for they truly are a gift. It pains me to think of giving up a son and can only imagine the love of a Father who gave up His Son for us. If I can capture the minutest speck of that love, and pass it on to my sons to pass on to theirs, then I will have the mercy of God. (John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son and whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”)

To God Be The Glory…

I Have Been Shaken

Posted on May 30, 2012January 16, 2019 by TheIrishLady in Inspiring

arid barren clay cracks — Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com

In our American Christian culture, we look at the suburban mom as someone to hold in esteem especially if her home is beautiful, her husband has a good paying job, her children are perfect and they all go to church every Sunday. I’ve had all those things and I thought I was finally blessed. After all the preacher said, “God wants to bless you.” So, we went further into “the blessing” and pursued the dream of owning our home in the country. We looked for years for land we could afford and poured over home designs that we could build for our forever home.

Finally, we found the land, sold our house and chose a builder. I left my sister who lived a few blocks away and moved into a travel trailer. We started the process of it all and I can tell you we moved hell on earth to get where we are today. At every turn we met liars and the most covetous people imaginable. God would allow me to see their deceit one by one from realtors, electric companies, builders, contractors and so called neighbors. We moved to a community of people who hurt and covet others so deeply that even the local government participates. While I have been in my new home my mother has died and then my sister. My brother’s doled out my mother’s estate to themselves, feeling justified because she gave money to my sons for college three years before her death, and one has even forced the sell of her house to himself at an unfair price. I have been sued by a local woman over defective window blinds that I didn’t even have and the local judge awarded her the money without ever hearing the case. This was particularly painful to me because it was a complete character assassination at a very difficult time in my life without my mother and sister to support me. Now we know! How could we have been so driven to take ourselves into a season of such pain and suffering? Didn’t God want to bless us? We aren’t under His blessing we are under the curse. I have been shaken to my very core.

People can only stand so much pain and suffering without looking at you and wondering what sins you have committed that God is judging you. It’s an age old story. Remember Job whom God allowed Satan to sift. Yes, read it, God allowed it. Job 2:3: Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.” In the rest of the chapter Satan inflicts the worst kind of evil upon Job, his wife told him to curse God and die, his friends sat with him without a word because they were overwhelmed by his suffering. After seven days of silence the debate begins and chapter after chapter, thirty-seven to be exact, Job and his friends argue the reasons why God is allowing his suffering.

In Chapter 38, the Lord speaks, “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me if you understand Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or Who laid its cornerstone while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? God continues to ask Job, “Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water?” “Can you pull in the leviathan (a huge deadly creature) with a fishhook or tie down its tongue with a rope?”

Job speaks in Chapter 42, “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?‘ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.” “You said, ‘Listen now and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You. Therefore, I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” After this exchange between God and Job, Chapter 42 says, ” The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.”

I have been shaken and God is removing what can be shaken to leave what is unshakable – Him. Hebrews Chapter 12, verse 28: “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe for our God is a consuming fire.” I am not certain that He will choose to bless me on this earth again. The only thing I am certain of is this is not “it”. We are not destined to live in this fallen state. There will be a time, an eternal time, that matters more than these fleeting moments.

What if this isn’t a curse and indeed a blessing and God is refining me? I won’t know for sure until the suffering is over. I am still in the midst of it and struggling. Isaiah 54:10 says, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

My Redeemer Lives: Job 19:25-27

Posted on April 7, 2012April 7, 2012 by TheIrishLady in Inspiring

For I know that my Redeemer lives. And He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. How my heart yearns within me! (Job 19:25-27)

Sometimes the only thing I am certain of is: My Redeemer Lives! That is powerful, non-negotiable and the rock I stand on. I know it with all my heart. I believe it with every fiber of my soul and my spirit cries out to Him knowing that He knows what it’s like to suffer.

On Palm Sunday, He was greeted like a king while he rode on a donkey. The people lined the street laying palms in the path. For a brief moment, they knew in their being that He was special; but, to them it was someone who would release them from an oppressive Roman government. He was an answer to them in this world. That’s how it goes. Some see this time on earth as all there is and God may bless them now, but what if this is “it” for them? That was all there was for those that chose to live for the moment and renounce The King of Kings for not getting them out of their troubles right then.

By the next day, the destruction of His character, bearing false witness to be more exact, began. His followers asked Him to hide, to stop; but, He knew what was coming and it was part of our redemption. He sweated blood and asked His Father to “let this cup pass”. Three times he asked even so He would willingly submit to His Father’s will. Knowing that one of His own would betray Him and another would deny Him, He bore our sins. There was the spit; the shame; the crown pushed into his head; the beating until He was unrecognizable; the mocking sign “King of the Jews”; the pain; the sorrow; and, the crucifixion. And He cried, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

NOW THE VICTORY! He rose from the tomb whole except for the scars which were seen to let us know that He was fully human and fully God by His death and resurrection. He is no longer nailed to the cross and we are no longer condemned. There is nothing that we can do that can take His place in pain or blood or suffering to save ourselves. There is ONLY ONE WAY to God: John 14:6 says, “Jesus saith unto him, I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE: no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me.” He is seated at the right hand of Our Father. He is to judge the living and the dead and will come again to receive His own. “At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. And He will send His angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather His elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.” (Matthew 24:30-31)

PRAISE GOD!

A Sense of Duty

Posted on April 3, 2012 by TheIrishLady in Inspiring

Just outside Fredericksburg, Texas, stands “The Texas Whitehouse”. It was the ranch home of Lyndon Johnson and his wife, Lady Bird. It boasts a total of 6,600 square feet and sits on a compound with an airstrip long enough for Air Force One to have landed there many times during his troubled presidency. What struck me the most, when I entered the house, was how understated, simple, but purposeful each room was. The park guide told us about the President’s office, of which Lady Bird carefully added and then later used as a second living space after he died. The office has now been restored to take you back to when he was at the height of his career. Lady Bird would place the Christmas tree in the office between the President’s desk and his secretary’s since he rarely would leave the telephone or the television mounted to the right of the fire-place. Their two girls would visit him there along with heads of state, congressmen and world leaders. If walls could talk…

When we moved from the living room to the dining room, the guide pointed out the President’s place at the head of the table and showed us his view of the three television sets (NBC, CBS, ABC), positioned side by side so that he could sit, eat and watch. There was a phone on the buffet next to his chair to call the network chiefs if something did not meet Lyndon’s approval. Apparently, after a stroke, Lady Bird placed the President on a restrictive diet for his own good; but, if you sat next to him he would eat off your plate, especially dessert. This embarrassed Lady Bird and she tried her best to keep those that would be least offended seated next to Lyndon and other dignitaries closer to her end of the table. The table was set with dishes that she received from her brother, painted with a blue bird, swirls and other embellishments. These were later discovered to have been painted with lead based paint and put away.

In their first bedroom together, the guide told us of how during the night the President would be needed. He would sit up in bed, with the first lady beside him, and conduct business without a second thought. Lady Bird built herself a bedroom of her own to be more accommodating. In his last years, the room was used to play cards or as a private sitting area and they had adjoining rooms elsewhere in the house.

Although we were unable to take photos inside, I have something imprinted on my heart that I saw in Lady Bird’s private bedroom. On her bed were three pillows: a bolster with “Lady Bird” delicately embroidered in green with a bird beside it; the pillow on the left was embroidered in the same shade and written in plain cursive was, “I slept and dreamed that life was beauty”; the one beside must have been the message of her heart, “I woke and found that life was duty”.

As daughters of The King, wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, we all have duties to carry out. These past months have been so burdened with grief, despair, fluctuating between anger and healing, but somehow my duties have been carried out. Laundry, cooking, praying, gardening, birthday celebrations, spring break, homeschooling, bills, chickens, antique booth, all of these my duties; I am grateful for these and I am endeavoring to consider these my honor. I found this scripture and find it very helpful:

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the Word of Life, so that I may rejoice in the Day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain. Phillipians 2:14-16

A work in progress is what I am.

“What Spurs Me On?”

Posted on January 25, 2012January 25, 2012 by TheIrishLady in Inspiring

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds”, implored the writer of the book of Hebrews in the tenth chapter twenty-fourth verse. Thinking of that verse today had me asking, “What spurs me on?” Quickly, I went through the last few weeks and realized there were others spurring me on and for all of you I am truly grateful:

Thank you to my oldest son for letting me know why you received an “A” in your speech class. When he was assigned a speech, with himself as the subject, he could have easily spouted off about himself. Instead, he talked about his parents and family: our trials, life, death, homeschooling and how proud he was that his parents have stayed the course through it all. I could not have received a better compliment than knowing that you have been watching and we haven’t done too badly.

My stepmother, who sent a small note, letting me know you consider me your own daughter is a tremendous act of love. The handwritten notes in cards and letters, from friends and family to let me know that you care, have meant a great deal and the timing was impeccable. Phone calls, emails, text messages…these are all acts of love spurring me on. Thank you so very much for thinking of us.

Then, there is this grinning little girl, a gift from my sister, who loves me and stays by my side all day long.

Finding inspiration from magazines to remind me that spring is coming and the possibilities on the farm are endless. Fancy chicken coops and lady bugs have me planning building and gardening projects. Clothing and jewelry have me motivated to eat right again. All this is possible because some caring strangers bring their old magazines to the Brenham library and leave them in the vestibule so you can take them home. What a blessing! I would not have found spring so easily without old issues of these lovely magazines to remind me that it does exist and is just around the corner.

Lastly, but not least, thank you to my youngest son for reminding me how to resize, upload and get this thing working again.