Realization has set in that I blog and I read other blogs. The blogging started out as a way to unwind from building a house while living in a camper and caring for my sister who was dying of cancer. It was a creative expression and my sister loved it. I wanted the blog to be simple, no frills and no hassle, just like the home I built I wanted to come away from layers upon layers of stuff that I had accumulated around me so that I could breath again. Somehow, I am back into the layers of stuff. How did that happen?
1. I blogged and started reading other bloggers. Other bloggers are so creative so I bought their cookbooks and tried their newest dishes. (By the way, some of the recipes just were not any good.) Then, I started a few of the craft projects as well as my own. What could be harmful about that? I started collecting the projects like the embroidery that is sitting in the bag in the dish pantry or the jewelry in the box in the closet waiting to be crafted like the rings I saw at The Country Living Fair. Not only the projects, but my blog – it looks so plain and unimpressive. It needs fixing so that it looks better and I can get more readers like the other bloggers I read. I should be able to do all those things, right?
2. I read the fashion blogs and realized what a frump I have become after homeschooling for ten years and not being out in the real world like I used to be. I picked up a few pieces of jewelry to accessorize what I had and realized I needed to dump the old stuff and update myself. I am a little perplexed on this one because in the process I realized that these women look like they have no wrinkles and saggy necks which is called a décolletage (that’s your chest and neck area). My décolletage is in need of some repair and therefore requiring some serious beauty products.
Then, I noticed that since I have aged, should I really wear this flashy jewelry and can I still do leopard without looking like Betty Davis in her yonder years?
3. I read the home decor blogs and want to redo and I haven’t finished the original phase so I must really be behind the times because I can’t paint everything white and slip cover leather sofas. I love wood and the smell of leather, but I must be out of style because every stitch of wood I see is painted white or some shade of blue. I kind of knew this stuff by instinct, but I am in rebellion in my mind and want to just shut the whole design side of my brain down and I do which locks down the creative part of me. I should be more creative, right?
4. I read the farm blogs and since I live on acreage I must be a farmer so I bought chickens and realized that I can’t just walk away and let nature take its course. I have to love and feed those chickens. Chickens aren’t dumb and my chickens cackle until I come out to pet and talk to them. I have accumulated more chicken stuff including an expensive coop that I have far exceeded the cost of organic eggs for the next ten years. When we go somewhere I have to get a chicken sitter! I also garden and spend way more time killing snakes, insects and unidentified creepy crawly starving creatures of the alien world that I can bare. I can do all things, right?
5. I read home school mom blogs and find myself grieving over all the things I should have done and let time slip away. We should have been missionaries and scholars and musicians while traveling to foreign countries to learn history first hand. After all, I should have been up at dawn baking whole grain bread and lovingly discipling a brood of twelve to embrace their God given potential while feeding, clothing, educating and discovering what they are supposed to pursue as their careers, mates and life long dreams, right?
What does all this mean?
I am on overload and overwhelmed…
I have bought in to the lie and need a reality check.
Yes, I can do all things through Christ, Who strengthens me! Phillipians 4:13
THROUGH CHRIST…I forgot about Him in the crazy madness and should be asking Him what He wants me to do because otherwise this is all just stuff to be purchased, stored and dealt with after I’m gone. As far as my sons go…I can say I truly tried my best…I did not abandon the course, stuck to it and am still on the path. So, today, I am turning back and saying…Lord, how can You use me to serve You?